UNTIL DEATH DO US PART!

Marriage in the United States is truly in trouble.  The divorce rate is more than 50%currently.  Vows are taken but when things get rough couples decide to call it quits.  What causes a marriage to fail?  What can make it successful?

Some say that there are three main reasons that couples argue:  Finances, Communication (or the lack thereof) and Sex.  I would add Disciplining of the Children to the list.  This list could be a simple answer to the first question, "What causes a marriage to fail?" but I prefer to answer the second question, "What can make it successful?"

The first key to a successful marriage is in how you view marriage itself.  Looking at it as a contract is not conducive to a long lasting relationship.  In a contract, one person signs on to perform a single skill for the completion of a project.  There is a begin date and an end date.  The other party agrees to pay a price.  If either party does not fulfill their end of the deal, the contract can be broken, leaving both parties losing.  The best way to view a marriage is to see it as a covenant.  A covenant has a begin date, but it is an agreement for life with no end date.  Each person brings not just one single skill to the agreement but brings their entire self and life into the relationship.  A covenant carries a predetermined agreement by both parties that it will never be broken.  Before entering into a marriage covenant one must consider that he or she is making a life time commitment. 

The second key to a successful marriage comes when one lays aside his or her selfishness and makes the choice to be selfless.  Putting each other first is paramount to a happy, lasting relationship.  The only down side to this philosophy is that when one person puts the other first but the honor is not reciprocated, the result is a dysfunctional marriage.  When both people put each other first, everyone's needs are met!  If a couple will almost compete with each other to out give to the other, the marriage is not only functional but enjoyed by both people to an abundance.  Lay your selfishness aside.  It's a choice. 

The next key to a successful marriage is found in healthy communication.  Learning how to talk to one another is necessary to the happiness of both husband and wife. Remembering that a "soft word can turn away wrath" and that our words can speak "life or death" into a situation is very wise.  Good communication skills can be instrumental in dealing with things like sex, finances and how to discipline the children.  Unfortunately, communication skills aren't an important part of our educational system.  It's usually only through counseling that we can learn effective communication techniques and habits. 

Finally, it's been said that the statistics for successful marriage in our nation are much better for those couples who pray together.  The statistics for couples who are members of a church are about the same as for un-churched couples.  However,  those who actually practice their faith by praying together have much more success in their relationships.  That's good news! 

If you need help with your relationship, Window to Healing is here to assist.  Give us a call to schedule an appointment at 623-882-2509. 

Blessings,
Loraine Coleman
Vice-President/BH Paraprofessional/Life Coach

Overcoming Rejection

I Peter 2:9- "But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted".

Life is about going for things and making progress towards becoming who God created us to be. But when we progress forward rejection is always a possibility along the way. Rejection is the opposite of acceptance and the above Scripture says we are chosen by God! There is a high calling on all of our lives and we have been chosen to be holy people, instruments in the Hands of God. We must be willing to speak out  for Him and share what He's done for us. His Love and Grace has called us out of rejection and into acceptance, from nothing to something. I like that!

If we begin viewing rejection through a filter of "being rejected doesn't mean I'm not loved or valued, but it simply means that there have been times in different situations that something didn't work out as I planned it". Then you can move yourself from obsessive rejection to healthy observation.If you get rejected ... acknowledge it, be honest with yourself. Coping with rejection involves two things:

• How you feel?
• What you think?

These two elements working together will determine how we respond to rejection.It's important that we don't brush it off, make excuses and pretend it's not painful. It is painful! When you experience rejection, take notice of the intense feelings you're having. Were you upset alot or just a little? Did you struggle with anger, resentment, maybe even frustration? Another thing I encourage people to do is ... cry if you need to! Crying is a great way to release emotions. Next thing you can do is: "name what you're feeling", is it sadness, is it disappointment, did you feel left out? Acknowledge your feelings so you can move beyond your emotions. Release them!

Dwelling on the negative can cause you to live out the experience over and over again. Negative thinking also influences and affects our expectations, as well as how we act. If not kept in perspective it even has the potential to bring about even more rejection. When you're giving yourself an explanation of what took place during the time you felt rejected, stick to the facts. Don't overemphasize anything. Keep things in proper perspective.

Think about things you are good at and what's good about you. Recall different times in your life when you were accepted and valued. Think about all the people who love you and support you. Give yourself credit for trying. Use rejection to your advantage, because in all of us there is always room for improvement! :)

Until next time,
be blessed!
Tracy Trussell
Window To Healing
623-882-2509