Effective Conflict Resolution Techniques

Matthew 18:15-17, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

Conflict will occur. The question is: how will we deal with it in a way that will prove to be effective? This is not a trick question, it is possible to deal with conflict in a positive way. When conflicts arise we have the natural tendency to wanna take off running the other way. We don't want to confront people and we certainly don't want to deal with issues that are unfavorable and may make us feel powerless, when addressed. Right? Wrong! We must deal with them before they get out of hand! The above Scripture talks about the importance of telling people what they've done and how it made us feel. If in doing this the other person refuses to listen to you, take someone else along that you trust won't help the other person make dog-food out of you! This is really the key here. The person you take along is someone that you have no doubt will be a part of the solution, not adding to the problem.

If this next step fails, bring it to the attention of the church or the leaders in charge of handling conflicts. If no solution is found, then make a choice to place it in God's Hands and move on. If someone doesn't want to make amends, you cannot force them to do it. It has to be obtained by free will. Sometimes that is a hard pill for us to swallow. We desire reconciliation, we want to be on good terms with others, we desire to live in peace with those around us. But when something like this takes place and the other person or party involved refuses to turn from their anger and animosity and walk in reconciliation, we don't continue to hold on to it with them ... we release it on our behalf. We don't allow it to have power over us creating the potential to fester and become infected, thus causing bitterness to take root! We forgive and we release it!

What are some positive steps we can take for effectual conflict resolution? There are many, but let's focus on the five I've listed below:

1. Don't think in forms of win or lose. In other words, never go in to a meeting with the other person thinking that you will take charge of the conversation and your point of view will be heard and accepted, no matter what. You don't have to make sure you have the last word. Reconciliation is a mutually beneficial result. Humility is the key. Both parties win.
2. Walk in maturity and integrity. Don't name call, never belittle the other person, don't make assumptions and treat them with the balance of courage and consideration.This means that you are expressing feelings and convictions while not attempting to discredit their feelings and convictions. 
3. Navigate the discussion effectively. In other words, work towards turning the conflict in to a collaboration. The purpose isn't to argue, but to communicate. Communication entails voice tone, facial expression and body language. Your body language can speak volumes to people. Your voice tone sets the precedence for the openness of the other person to hear what you're saying. If you speak with a tone of sarcasm or anger, nothing will get resolved. Your facial expression reveals your acceptance or rejection of the person you're speaking with.
4. Address only one issue at a time. Avoid introducing other topics even if they are related. Isolate the primary issue at hand and specify what that issue is. Repeat what the person is telling you by restating their thoughts and feelings being shared.
5. Develop an action plan that both parties can agree upon. Create concrete steps that can be adopted and enforced. After it is identified, make an agreement to solve it by a particular deadline and then put it behind you, once it's resolved.

By taking these steps you can find yourself on the road to healing and forgiveness, leading to reconciliation. But remember something very important, as you walk these steps out understand that sometimes getting back in to a relationship may not be wise. Use wisdom and seek God's direction.
Serving Him,
Tracy Cavelli-Trussell
Certified Life Coach & Paraprofessional Counselor at Window to Healing
Give us a call: 623-882-2509