UPCOMING EVENTS AT WINDOW TO HEALING

Window to Healing will be starting  2 new groups

 in January and February 2013.

An Adolescent Trauma Support Group 

and  a

Life Coaching Certification class.

Watch our facebook page for more details!

 

 

Effective Conflict Resolution Techniques

Matthew 18:15-17, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

Conflict will occur. The question is: how will we deal with it in a way that will prove to be effective? This is not a trick question, it is possible to deal with conflict in a positive way. When conflicts arise we have the natural tendency to wanna take off running the other way. We don't want to confront people and we certainly don't want to deal with issues that are unfavorable and may make us feel powerless, when addressed. Right? Wrong! We must deal with them before they get out of hand! The above Scripture talks about the importance of telling people what they've done and how it made us feel. If in doing this the other person refuses to listen to you, take someone else along that you trust won't help the other person make dog-food out of you! This is really the key here. The person you take along is someone that you have no doubt will be a part of the solution, not adding to the problem.

If this next step fails, bring it to the attention of the church or the leaders in charge of handling conflicts. If no solution is found, then make a choice to place it in God's Hands and move on. If someone doesn't want to make amends, you cannot force them to do it. It has to be obtained by free will. Sometimes that is a hard pill for us to swallow. We desire reconciliation, we want to be on good terms with others, we desire to live in peace with those around us. But when something like this takes place and the other person or party involved refuses to turn from their anger and animosity and walk in reconciliation, we don't continue to hold on to it with them ... we release it on our behalf. We don't allow it to have power over us creating the potential to fester and become infected, thus causing bitterness to take root! We forgive and we release it!

What are some positive steps we can take for effectual conflict resolution? There are many, but let's focus on the five I've listed below:

1. Don't think in forms of win or lose. In other words, never go in to a meeting with the other person thinking that you will take charge of the conversation and your point of view will be heard and accepted, no matter what. You don't have to make sure you have the last word. Reconciliation is a mutually beneficial result. Humility is the key. Both parties win.
2. Walk in maturity and integrity. Don't name call, never belittle the other person, don't make assumptions and treat them with the balance of courage and consideration.This means that you are expressing feelings and convictions while not attempting to discredit their feelings and convictions. 
3. Navigate the discussion effectively. In other words, work towards turning the conflict in to a collaboration. The purpose isn't to argue, but to communicate. Communication entails voice tone, facial expression and body language. Your body language can speak volumes to people. Your voice tone sets the precedence for the openness of the other person to hear what you're saying. If you speak with a tone of sarcasm or anger, nothing will get resolved. Your facial expression reveals your acceptance or rejection of the person you're speaking with.
4. Address only one issue at a time. Avoid introducing other topics even if they are related. Isolate the primary issue at hand and specify what that issue is. Repeat what the person is telling you by restating their thoughts and feelings being shared.
5. Develop an action plan that both parties can agree upon. Create concrete steps that can be adopted and enforced. After it is identified, make an agreement to solve it by a particular deadline and then put it behind you, once it's resolved.

By taking these steps you can find yourself on the road to healing and forgiveness, leading to reconciliation. But remember something very important, as you walk these steps out understand that sometimes getting back in to a relationship may not be wise. Use wisdom and seek God's direction.
Serving Him,
Tracy Cavelli-Trussell
Certified Life Coach & Paraprofessional Counselor at Window to Healing
Give us a call: 623-882-2509

UNTIL DEATH DO US PART!

Marriage in the United States is truly in trouble.  The divorce rate is more than 50%currently.  Vows are taken but when things get rough couples decide to call it quits.  What causes a marriage to fail?  What can make it successful?

Some say that there are three main reasons that couples argue:  Finances, Communication (or the lack thereof) and Sex.  I would add Disciplining of the Children to the list.  This list could be a simple answer to the first question, "What causes a marriage to fail?" but I prefer to answer the second question, "What can make it successful?"

The first key to a successful marriage is in how you view marriage itself.  Looking at it as a contract is not conducive to a long lasting relationship.  In a contract, one person signs on to perform a single skill for the completion of a project.  There is a begin date and an end date.  The other party agrees to pay a price.  If either party does not fulfill their end of the deal, the contract can be broken, leaving both parties losing.  The best way to view a marriage is to see it as a covenant.  A covenant has a begin date, but it is an agreement for life with no end date.  Each person brings not just one single skill to the agreement but brings their entire self and life into the relationship.  A covenant carries a predetermined agreement by both parties that it will never be broken.  Before entering into a marriage covenant one must consider that he or she is making a life time commitment. 

The second key to a successful marriage comes when one lays aside his or her selfishness and makes the choice to be selfless.  Putting each other first is paramount to a happy, lasting relationship.  The only down side to this philosophy is that when one person puts the other first but the honor is not reciprocated, the result is a dysfunctional marriage.  When both people put each other first, everyone's needs are met!  If a couple will almost compete with each other to out give to the other, the marriage is not only functional but enjoyed by both people to an abundance.  Lay your selfishness aside.  It's a choice. 

The next key to a successful marriage is found in healthy communication.  Learning how to talk to one another is necessary to the happiness of both husband and wife. Remembering that a "soft word can turn away wrath" and that our words can speak "life or death" into a situation is very wise.  Good communication skills can be instrumental in dealing with things like sex, finances and how to discipline the children.  Unfortunately, communication skills aren't an important part of our educational system.  It's usually only through counseling that we can learn effective communication techniques and habits. 

Finally, it's been said that the statistics for successful marriage in our nation are much better for those couples who pray together.  The statistics for couples who are members of a church are about the same as for un-churched couples.  However,  those who actually practice their faith by praying together have much more success in their relationships.  That's good news! 

If you need help with your relationship, Window to Healing is here to assist.  Give us a call to schedule an appointment at 623-882-2509. 

Blessings,
Loraine Coleman
Vice-President/BH Paraprofessional/Life Coach

Overcoming Rejection

I Peter 2:9- "But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted".

Life is about going for things and making progress towards becoming who God created us to be. But when we progress forward rejection is always a possibility along the way. Rejection is the opposite of acceptance and the above Scripture says we are chosen by God! There is a high calling on all of our lives and we have been chosen to be holy people, instruments in the Hands of God. We must be willing to speak out  for Him and share what He's done for us. His Love and Grace has called us out of rejection and into acceptance, from nothing to something. I like that!

If we begin viewing rejection through a filter of "being rejected doesn't mean I'm not loved or valued, but it simply means that there have been times in different situations that something didn't work out as I planned it". Then you can move yourself from obsessive rejection to healthy observation.If you get rejected ... acknowledge it, be honest with yourself. Coping with rejection involves two things:

• How you feel?
• What you think?

These two elements working together will determine how we respond to rejection.It's important that we don't brush it off, make excuses and pretend it's not painful. It is painful! When you experience rejection, take notice of the intense feelings you're having. Were you upset alot or just a little? Did you struggle with anger, resentment, maybe even frustration? Another thing I encourage people to do is ... cry if you need to! Crying is a great way to release emotions. Next thing you can do is: "name what you're feeling", is it sadness, is it disappointment, did you feel left out? Acknowledge your feelings so you can move beyond your emotions. Release them!

Dwelling on the negative can cause you to live out the experience over and over again. Negative thinking also influences and affects our expectations, as well as how we act. If not kept in perspective it even has the potential to bring about even more rejection. When you're giving yourself an explanation of what took place during the time you felt rejected, stick to the facts. Don't overemphasize anything. Keep things in proper perspective.

Think about things you are good at and what's good about you. Recall different times in your life when you were accepted and valued. Think about all the people who love you and support you. Give yourself credit for trying. Use rejection to your advantage, because in all of us there is always room for improvement! :)

Until next time,
be blessed!
Tracy Trussell
Window To Healing
623-882-2509

How Strife Affects Our Life

"...he that will blow the Coals must not wonder if some Sparks do fly in his face..."

(Richard Baxter)

 Many people are caught in the web of strife. It has a way of infiltrating the realm of the soul, which is the seat of the mind, will and emotions So let's discuss for a moment about what strife is and how it affects our lives? Strife is ... according to Webster: "a bitter conflict, a quarrel, struggle or clash, it's a competition of rivalry and opposition", the effects of this little six letter word creates much chaos in our lives if not dealt with properly. It deposits anger and bitterness in to our spirits and we are left with the result of unforgiveness and animosity towards the people we have walked in to that web of strife with.

Strife has a way of causing many people to want to hide. It produces guilt and shame. Many of us have heard the phrase: "fight or flight?" Well, it truly is the way we handle conflict in our lives. People who lean more towards passivity and fear of confrontation will flight and people who are more dominating and aggressive in their personalities will fight. Pain has a way of producing different heartaches inside of us, traumatic events tend to cripple some people emotionally and when people aren't healed of these implications of pain and trauma they can react to strife in many different ways.

Another crippling affect happens when people cannot stop dwelling upon past emotional hurts and disappointments. This produces a cycle of guilt and punishment --by causing the person to relive the event over and over in their mind. This may cause people to begin feeling plagued with worthlessness and hopelessness. which becomes the onslaught of depression. See, it all boils down to unhealthy emotions that continue to be fed inside of us. Strife can find it's way in to many areas of our lives through the open doors of pain and trauma that have occurred.

Now that we understand what strife is and the affects it has on our soul, let's talk about how to overcome it and get through to the other side where healing and restoration awaits. Once you recognize that you have entered in to the realm of strife with another person, immediately release your feelings to the Lord. No need to give Him the edited version of what your feeling, He already knows the depth of your hurt. Be honest. When we come before the Lord, we can be transparent and we don't have to hide anything from Him. He sees our heart. The Bible says He looks past the outward appearance and gazes upon the heart.

Here are some effective steps to walk through:

• Acknowledge your pain and the wounding that has taken place in your heart.
•  Get alone with God and deal with your pain and the wounds that have been created inside of you.
• Release that pain to God.
• Submit to what the Word of God says and choose to forgive. You forgive in order to be released from that person, not to let the other person off the hook.
• Strengthen your spirit-man through prayer, meditation and worship and allow the effects of this to rise up over your flesh.
• Pray for the person that you are in a web of strife with and ask God to heal their pain. Remember people who are hurt ... will hurt others. 
• Be kind and gentle with the other person. Don't push yourself on them and attempt to deal with things outside of God's timing, but allow God to have His perfect will done in their lives.

Last but certainly not least, rejoice in the Lord and in the Power of His might! The Bible says He will turn our mourning in to dancing and take off that cloak of despair and replace it with unspeakable joy.

Be blessed! :)
Tracy Trussell
Certified Life Coach and Paraprofessional Counselor with Window To Healing
623-882-2509

WHAT TO DO WITH ANGER

Anger seems to be running rampant in our world today. People are angry about the economy, politics, their bosses, their co-workers, spouses and the list can go on.  Anger is a common human emotion that even God expressed in the Bible.  So, anger alone is not wrong.  What we do with the anger can be the problem. 
First, we must identify why we're angry.  Anger is really a secondary emotion.  Behind the anger is always a root emotion that came first.  Most children know three emotions:  mad, sad and glad.  We can expect that from children but it seems that most adults can identify only those three emotions also! So, what are those emotions we don't recognize that can be at the root of anger?  You can actually be feeling rejection, disrespect, fear, insecurity, unloved, helplessness, unsupported, unappreciated, disapproval, or humiliation just to name a few.  Recognizing the root emotion can empower you to bring reason into the situation.  You can "face your enemy" and talk to it.  You can begin to ask yourself questions like, "Did that person mean to humiliate me?"  "Why did that cause me to feel disrespected?" and "I know I feel helpless in this situation.  What are the things I can actually do in this situation?"  Such questions can difuse your anger and help you feel empowered and less helpless.  Expressing yourself in the form of an "I message" can be very helpful.  "I feel_______(disrespected, insecure, etc.) when I hear the words 'I'm done with you!'" Try to avoid the word "you" as it can be a very confrontational word. 

What if it's the other person's anger that is the problem?  Here are five ways to diffuse anger:
1.  Become soft and tender.  (A soft word turns away wrath. Prov. 15:1)
2.  Understand as much as possible of what the person has endured.  (Ask questions.)
3.  Admit the person has been wounded.  (Say, I can see that I've hurt you.  Will you forgive me?)
4.  Seek forgiveness and wait for a response.
5.  If none of these things work, ask for a time out, a cooling down time and come back together to discuss. 

Human nature can want to hang on to the anger.  Sometimes, we don't want to let it go because we feel more courageous when we're angry.  That kind of courage never has a good outcome.  Always look toward the desired outcome.  Ask youself, "When I wake up tomorrow morning, what do I wish to find with regard to this situation?"  The answer to that question can avoid a poor outcome and give you much better direction as to what to say and do right now. 

Finally, prayer is a great diffuser of anger.  Faith and trust in God has the best outcome.  God wants everyone to win in the end.  Give prayer a chance and see what happens. 

Loraine Coleman
Behavioral Health Paraprofessional
Vice President
Window to Healing Center, Inc. 

INTRODUCING WINDOW TO HEALING COUNSELING

Window to Healing opened it's doors in March, 2009.  Since then we have brought life changing counseling, emotional healing, restoration to relationships, freedom from addictions, and life coaching to over 1,100 people in our community.  We are a faith-based, non-profit organization with positive values and a positive message. 
As of December, 2011, we are a counseling out-patient clinic with a counseling staff made up of a Licensed Therapist/Clinical Director, two Behavioral Health Technicians, and three Behavioral Health Paraprofessionals.  Four members of our counseling staff are also certified Life Coaches. 
In 2012, we plan to launch some Intensive Outpatient Programs such as a group for children with ADHD and an substance abuse recovery group.  We will also be offering to community businesses an exciting workshop entitled "Doing the Right Thing in the Marketplace".  This is an excellent training for employees, helping them to be more productive and better stewards of their time and your business.  WTH is also a Life Coaching Certifying agency.
Our offices are located at 14900 West Van Buren Street, Building F, in Goodyear, AZ.  To schedule an appointment or to receive more information, please give us a call at 623-882-2509. 

Be blessed and be healthy!
Loraine Coleman
Vice-President
BH Paraprofessional
Certified Life Coach