How Strife Affects Our Life

"...he that will blow the Coals must not wonder if some Sparks do fly in his face..."

(Richard Baxter)

 Many people are caught in the web of strife. It has a way of infiltrating the realm of the soul, which is the seat of the mind, will and emotions So let's discuss for a moment about what strife is and how it affects our lives? Strife is ... according to Webster: "a bitter conflict, a quarrel, struggle or clash, it's a competition of rivalry and opposition", the effects of this little six letter word creates much chaos in our lives if not dealt with properly. It deposits anger and bitterness in to our spirits and we are left with the result of unforgiveness and animosity towards the people we have walked in to that web of strife with.

Strife has a way of causing many people to want to hide. It produces guilt and shame. Many of us have heard the phrase: "fight or flight?" Well, it truly is the way we handle conflict in our lives. People who lean more towards passivity and fear of confrontation will flight and people who are more dominating and aggressive in their personalities will fight. Pain has a way of producing different heartaches inside of us, traumatic events tend to cripple some people emotionally and when people aren't healed of these implications of pain and trauma they can react to strife in many different ways.

Another crippling affect happens when people cannot stop dwelling upon past emotional hurts and disappointments. This produces a cycle of guilt and punishment --by causing the person to relive the event over and over in their mind. This may cause people to begin feeling plagued with worthlessness and hopelessness. which becomes the onslaught of depression. See, it all boils down to unhealthy emotions that continue to be fed inside of us. Strife can find it's way in to many areas of our lives through the open doors of pain and trauma that have occurred.

Now that we understand what strife is and the affects it has on our soul, let's talk about how to overcome it and get through to the other side where healing and restoration awaits. Once you recognize that you have entered in to the realm of strife with another person, immediately release your feelings to the Lord. No need to give Him the edited version of what your feeling, He already knows the depth of your hurt. Be honest. When we come before the Lord, we can be transparent and we don't have to hide anything from Him. He sees our heart. The Bible says He looks past the outward appearance and gazes upon the heart.

Here are some effective steps to walk through:

• Acknowledge your pain and the wounding that has taken place in your heart.
•  Get alone with God and deal with your pain and the wounds that have been created inside of you.
• Release that pain to God.
• Submit to what the Word of God says and choose to forgive. You forgive in order to be released from that person, not to let the other person off the hook.
• Strengthen your spirit-man through prayer, meditation and worship and allow the effects of this to rise up over your flesh.
• Pray for the person that you are in a web of strife with and ask God to heal their pain. Remember people who are hurt ... will hurt others. 
• Be kind and gentle with the other person. Don't push yourself on them and attempt to deal with things outside of God's timing, but allow God to have His perfect will done in their lives.

Last but certainly not least, rejoice in the Lord and in the Power of His might! The Bible says He will turn our mourning in to dancing and take off that cloak of despair and replace it with unspeakable joy.

Be blessed! :)
Tracy Trussell
Certified Life Coach and Paraprofessional Counselor with Window To Healing
623-882-2509

WHAT TO DO WITH ANGER

Anger seems to be running rampant in our world today. People are angry about the economy, politics, their bosses, their co-workers, spouses and the list can go on.  Anger is a common human emotion that even God expressed in the Bible.  So, anger alone is not wrong.  What we do with the anger can be the problem. 
First, we must identify why we're angry.  Anger is really a secondary emotion.  Behind the anger is always a root emotion that came first.  Most children know three emotions:  mad, sad and glad.  We can expect that from children but it seems that most adults can identify only those three emotions also! So, what are those emotions we don't recognize that can be at the root of anger?  You can actually be feeling rejection, disrespect, fear, insecurity, unloved, helplessness, unsupported, unappreciated, disapproval, or humiliation just to name a few.  Recognizing the root emotion can empower you to bring reason into the situation.  You can "face your enemy" and talk to it.  You can begin to ask yourself questions like, "Did that person mean to humiliate me?"  "Why did that cause me to feel disrespected?" and "I know I feel helpless in this situation.  What are the things I can actually do in this situation?"  Such questions can difuse your anger and help you feel empowered and less helpless.  Expressing yourself in the form of an "I message" can be very helpful.  "I feel_______(disrespected, insecure, etc.) when I hear the words 'I'm done with you!'" Try to avoid the word "you" as it can be a very confrontational word. 

What if it's the other person's anger that is the problem?  Here are five ways to diffuse anger:
1.  Become soft and tender.  (A soft word turns away wrath. Prov. 15:1)
2.  Understand as much as possible of what the person has endured.  (Ask questions.)
3.  Admit the person has been wounded.  (Say, I can see that I've hurt you.  Will you forgive me?)
4.  Seek forgiveness and wait for a response.
5.  If none of these things work, ask for a time out, a cooling down time and come back together to discuss. 

Human nature can want to hang on to the anger.  Sometimes, we don't want to let it go because we feel more courageous when we're angry.  That kind of courage never has a good outcome.  Always look toward the desired outcome.  Ask youself, "When I wake up tomorrow morning, what do I wish to find with regard to this situation?"  The answer to that question can avoid a poor outcome and give you much better direction as to what to say and do right now. 

Finally, prayer is a great diffuser of anger.  Faith and trust in God has the best outcome.  God wants everyone to win in the end.  Give prayer a chance and see what happens. 

Loraine Coleman
Behavioral Health Paraprofessional
Vice President
Window to Healing Center, Inc. 

INTRODUCING WINDOW TO HEALING COUNSELING

Window to Healing opened it's doors in March, 2009.  Since then we have brought life changing counseling, emotional healing, restoration to relationships, freedom from addictions, and life coaching to over 1,100 people in our community.  We are a faith-based, non-profit organization with positive values and a positive message. 
As of December, 2011, we are a counseling out-patient clinic with a counseling staff made up of a Licensed Therapist/Clinical Director, two Behavioral Health Technicians, and three Behavioral Health Paraprofessionals.  Four members of our counseling staff are also certified Life Coaches. 
In 2012, we plan to launch some Intensive Outpatient Programs such as a group for children with ADHD and an substance abuse recovery group.  We will also be offering to community businesses an exciting workshop entitled "Doing the Right Thing in the Marketplace".  This is an excellent training for employees, helping them to be more productive and better stewards of their time and your business.  WTH is also a Life Coaching Certifying agency.
Our offices are located at 14900 West Van Buren Street, Building F, in Goodyear, AZ.  To schedule an appointment or to receive more information, please give us a call at 623-882-2509. 

Be blessed and be healthy!
Loraine Coleman
Vice-President
BH Paraprofessional
Certified Life Coach